Stuck In Reverse

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you don't sleep
Stuck in reverse

You must remember that lyric from Coldplay, yeah that was what I felt last week. The world of work has become so cut-throat and competitive that it's sometimes like riding up an escalator the wrong way. You can't ever relax. I was so uninspired by my job that there was a moment when I did nothing but cry. I made a huge dreadful, blunder at work. I realized I'd wasted two years whingeing instead of doing something about it. And climax was last Wednesday. I cried out loud and I was so ashamed of it.

And one of a good friend of mine, she's really kind & picked me up from the office and we went to a cafe I forgot the name something start with Belgian Waffle...I'll let you know again once I remember. It's such a cozy place, we order waffle with ice cream and we talked. Actually she insisted me to talk about what happened that night. She's really taught me one of the most valuable lessons of my life. Sweet friend who saved my day with simply said "Don't get so upset about it. The person who never made a mistake never made much either." Thanks mate, I felt instantly a bit better.

It remind me about an article about ballet dancers. They do a dance class every single day whether they're performing or not. It's to see which side they're "falling" when they do their turns, see what bits they're likely to stumble over so they can practise & practise, and put it right. Mistakes are part of getting it right.

I don't wanna be a person who said with flat face " Look guys, I screwed up. I'm a fool. But hey, I'm human too. Just like you." Just because I made a mistake doesn't mean I can't start over. I made pledge, I recommitted.

An Old Picture That Cracks Me Up LOL Smiley Face

Well one of my friend Huseyin Cuga from Turkey had a vacation to Croatia on September 2010 and he suprised me with one of his email after he returned. He sent me a picture, he held a bottle of cola which have brand like my name "Siti Cola" in that picture. Yeah he just succeeded to crack me up LOL smiley face once I saw that picture.



P.S. Photo Courtesy : Huseyin Cuga

9.07PM

I'm not a workaholic but why the hell am I still sitting in my ofc at this hour with a stack of paperwork? I'm a tad tired! I'm sick n tired of all the messy lives around... why can't things be smooth for me and why can't I have freakin' perfect lives for crying out loud !!I need to cheer the fuck up. I feel so miserable. Works been fucking raping me all this week. All I wanna do now is dive onto my bed soonies.

People Change...Face it!!!!

I've learnt that people change, really bites and I have to face that fact and move on...I know right...It's even happen to friendship. We meet people...and all start to happen. From the shy first smiles and hellos, the chit-chats, the pigging-outs, the sharings, the laughters..to the bitter fights and sometimes it's end up with sour goodbyes.
Sad???? Yeah especially if you expect to meet your friends in primary school and expect them to stay with you as your friends or best friend even when you're nudging 30 or older. Cookie-cutter perfection, right? And when they don't that's when you feel a massive sense of betrayal and failure too at not being able to keep the friendship on the same intense level. But that's how the life it goes...Nothing last forever...yeah nothing...
For those of you who have long lasting friendship...I bows to you cuz you're lucky person to have friends like them.

p.s. I write this post cuz this time last year….everything was so different...last year we chat & hang out a lot, this year we start to lose some. I hope it's just a long see you later not goodbye. Because I hate goodbyes, I got misty eyes as they said farewell. I love you my friends

Escapade to Kawah Putih Ciwedey

Here’s the story of a girl who (hasn’t taken a break from work for the past 10 months) goes on a quick getaway to laze an entire day away.
In need of some serious mind, body and soul rejuvenation, me and friends pack our bag and hop on to a car head off to the highland of Ciwedey. As we touched down of Kawah Putih around 11.00AM, a beautiful view just took my breath away. It’s marvelous sight up in the mountain and also beautiful cauldron called “Kawah Putih”. We took a lot of pics. Yeah who can resist not posing with a beautiful view as a background, aite? Here are some of our poses…enjoy 








After spent around 2 hours there then we go on to next destination….Strawberry Farm. The journey is scenic on our way down the hill. Small yet pleasantly renovated houses line the road and a lot of them have gardens of flowers, some for sale on the spot. We reach strawberry farm and all of us can’t resist picking fresh strawberry from the farm and eating it on the spot….Whoooaaa surprisingly its taste sweet not like strawberry that we used to eat in Jakarta…It’s so exciting… look at us in action 




After that we’re going to our next destination Bandung “a retail-therapy haven”…yeah much to the delight of shopaholic within me. But our plan is ruined by traffic. Most of factory outlet in Bandung closed on 9.00PM and we had to make a quick move and do some last minute shopping. Even we couldn’t find item that we want due to short time that we have I still bought something. It’s a floral print bag *grin*.
We continue our journey in Bandung. We take in the sight and sense of sidewalk around DAGO street till midnight :)

This Is Not A Goodbye

Friday Nov 26, 2010 was last day of my ex-supervisor work in our ofc...Yeah she left us to start a new job in her new office which I believe will be much way better than our ofc now.
It was sad moment when I had to say goodbye to her, I couldn't hold my tears. She meant a lot to me. She taught me a lot of thing. Some people know her as vicious woman but as one of junior who ever work under her I know her as a very nice & caring woman. It was just the way she express her feeling...she don't like to be courteous, she's to the point kind of woman. I feel truly blessed to have you as my supervisor in my work life. Maybe I never make you proud and I’m deeply sorry for put you in a trouble when I’m doing mistake, for silly question that I ever asked. Big thanks for your help, for being understand, for being patience…
I love you Mba Ririn...Don't forget us...This is not a goodbye as I believe we will come across again someday. I wish you all the best in your new ofc.
Here is a pic of me, mba Ririn (on the left side who used a black Hijab) and all colleagues who love her so much.

Blah Blah Blah

It's 9:00pm and I'm not doing anything. I should be doing my report that's due tomorrow or sleep, but I'm milking it out instead I log in to my blog and write this post. My sleep schedule has been kinda crazy for the past 2 weeks,someone told me that lack of sleep makes us look older, increases our risk of diabetes and cancer. Oh my God I'm going to die! Aaah! Sleep! Sleeeeeeep! I don't wanna die young....But I couldn't go to sleep...I couldn't. Why????? I dunno...They said that stress is fuel for an insomniac ride. Am I stress now? Maybe...pressure at work. Yeah Monday to Friday are just crazy, I have an eight-to-five job. Eight to five my ass. The reality is more likely 8 to 8 - that is AM to PM and sometime longer than that. It's just non-stop movement and thinking and I really wish I could take a break from all that crazy-ness.*sigh*

Last Friday I woke up with a head so heavy like a bulldozer. I woke up at 6AM. I should go to work but with that stupid headache I promptly go back to sleep for four hours, wake up, and go to the doctor. Doctor said that I'm too tired my blood pressure is just too loooooow 80/60, my weight is only 42 Kgs from normal weight 45 Kgs. I look so pale like a *zombie*. I should put more attention to my health and eat health food.

I wish Muffin is here by my side. Give me a hug and I know I will be fine. SOS for Muffin..... where are thou....???? It's been a week I haven't seen you :( Do you miss me like I miss you?

Then I turn on my music player and play a song called "A World without You" by Emma Bunton. When I first heard that song, I was so immediately connected to the track after hearing the lyric.This song is a very personal one to me.It’s wholely about how I feel about Muffin. yeah I missed Muffin quite terribly..



Try to hear the lyric...

I know that you can hear the rhythm of the rain/Although we're miles apart I know you feel my pain/I try to be so strong I try to carry on/But since you left the sun don't seem to shine.

Everything that I touch turns to blue/When I'm living in a world without you/I'm going crazy baby I am missing you/Can't imagine all I go through when I'm living in a world without you/I'm not alone I know that you can feel it too.




Btw tomorrow is Muffin's birthday I wish him all the happiness in the world!! Much love to you Muffin xoxo