Monday, December 31, 2012

When You Click and Your Inner Narcissistic Star Comes Out By Accident ;)

This morning I’m so pissed off at the internet connection that ruin my skype date so here's what I did :(

Saturday, November 17, 2012

I am a human with factory defect, with no ability of moving on.
I miss you. I miss that. I miss my confidante. I miss us. I miss love.

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Happy 25th Birthday Muffin

Happy Birthday Muffin! Hope you're having a fantastic day.. And it just keeps getting better! Have fun and make merry!


I asked him if he loved me. He stayed quiet, and shuffled around for a bit. I told him how much I loved him.I told him I was crazy about him. He still stayed quiet. I looked him in the eyes, he chuckled and said "I don't think it'll work out, this little dance we're doing. I mean I love you and all, much more than I thought possible or probable. but see, baby, I love you as a friend not a lover that's it."
"Well I know, I know you will never love me as a lover. At least stay with me. Don't leave. I need you and I cannot be without. I'm sorry, I won't even try. Never let me fall unless we're falling together. Make a pinky promise to me please!!!" I said
He whispered on my ear " I won't baby, I promise."

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Hüseyin Cuga

I would like to introduce one of the awesomest and coolest and amazing person that I've met through facebook. Since most of you are probably still unenlightened on who's I'm talking about, I shall explain the entire story from the beginning on how our friendship is started.

Once upon a time in 2007 or 2008 (cuz I didn't remember exact time when this happened), there was a girl named Emma who liked to stalk through Facebook and find some random friend around the world. Thanks to Facebook, this social media enabled her to click on friend list of one of her friend which directed her to a list of some people's profile and among all those names there was one that stood out the most which is *drum rolls*:

Hüseyin cuga

Really, i'm not kidding, hmmmm...okay to be honest his profile picture was so uhmmm yeah that...handsome ;)

And I have confession to make that I ever got a crush on him. Hey chill girls I said crush not love, you all still can do an Olympic sprint and get him anyway (p.s. He's still single).

Moving on, Emma clicked on his name, which directed her to his profile. She read his info and his wall page (well at that time most of people still going public and not lock out their identity and wall page) and her interest growing, Emma finally clicked on his photos button, which made her say wah he's a handsome guy. She sent friend request and after couple days she checked again and discovered that he finally accepted her friend request and since that day a super awesome friendship was formed.

Later she found out that Hüseyin is amazing guy that enjoyed his life too much. She said too much because she's kinda envy of how awesome his life is.He loves traveling and having so much fun with his life. And even he's busy enjoying his awesome life like sipping cocktails on beaches with white sparkly sand(lol), or partying and getting high on weed (I'm kidding about the weed part), jelly shots and everything in between, he still has time to email and text all the details of his traveling tale to Emma. While Emma thousand yards apart from Hüseyin wrapped up in her blanky, lying on her bed, sucking the thumb on her left finger and thinking bout how she envy and wish that she could join on his vacation everytime she received digital postcard from Hüseyin. Anyhoooo she's being omg-so-enthusiastic about the Hüseyin vacation thing she couldn't help it but share her awesome vacation pictures to Hüseyin which she has maybe only once in year meanwhile Hüseyin has like 6 times or more in a year. See that's the reason why Emma is jealous of Hüseyin.

Time fly by and it's been almost 4 years and they still share their traveling stories which is kinda awesome cuz they both have things in common, they love adventure and beach so much. Emma really wish that someday she could meet Hüseyin and has amazing vacation together :)

Cheers to our friendship Hüseyin Cuga :)

Saturday, November 10, 2012


I really want to be that girl who can answer with a big smile on my face "I am" when someone asks me " Are you happy?" but at this moment that would be a big lie. But I'm not gonna answer that question with "I'm not" because it would be same as I say that my life is suck. I mean how ungrateful can I be then?
So instead of answer it with "I'm not" I will answer with "I'm getting there" sound more positive right :)

Sunday, October 7, 2012

Hide and Seek

Sometimes I wish that we're just playing hide and seek and one day I will find you Samooooha. But I will never find you, right? :'(

Sunday, September 16, 2012

Hijab Class With WFP Store

Unsent Letter Part 1

Hey Muffin,

I saw you online today. I was torn between deciding whether I should go ping and say hi or not. In the end, I decided not to ping you and continued looking at that green dot on my messenger. Sigh...not being able to say "Hi" or "How are you" once in a while really DOES suck huh.
I clicked on your avatar on my messenger. You still looked like that someone who once "loved" me.

Thursday, September 13, 2012

This tweet from @AdolphTwittler: "Sometimes my heart whispers your name and counts the day until we meet again. But my mind says, "Don't listen. It'll only make you cry." describe what I feel right now.

Sunday, September 9, 2012

Sunday Click: Cheers with Arisan Galz

There are certain people who came into your life to break you so you could learn how to pull yourself back together again.

Sunday, August 26, 2012

On Eid Holiday

And this place is like a chocolate lover's heaven. The steamin' hot cup of chocolate. And all the mush. Those dark chocolates in your mouth.Yummmmmmm it was. :D

For those who love seafood, you could try to eat at Seafood Mulyono 94 at Jalan Kalimati Mangga Dua. Delicious seafood with cheap price :D

On The Life I called Regret

Bunch of regrets. Mistake made, another one again.
I am undeniably dumb and never picked the right person.
Terrible judgment and being incapable of choosing right choices, those are all i am.

I realize that I was the subject to my own wild imagination, day dreams, fantastic fantasies, wishful thinking, false assumptions and fake pretences.
I let you rule my head when I very well know that the 'you' I knew doesn't exist anymore.
A beautiful, scintillating, bewitching and wonderful illusions metamorphose into bittersweet fragments of reality...
I am wasted. I am jaded. I am weak...weak because the cold, harsh, bitter winds of reality pierce me, cut me, strangle me.
Stupid me for thinking that I would not slip in puddles, never slide in mud-filled puddles and get dirt all over myself but I slip.
I slip and I crash and I fall. I am vulnerable, tearful, weak...

And I saw you...standing over there...laughing at me.
"Stop knocking on locked doors. Stop looking for lost treasures on lonely islands. Stop diving in a bottomless pit called lust. Just stop killing yourself with the past. Learn, dear, learn for you are the only one who suffers. Because there is no such thing as boring as staying." You said

But I never learn, didn't I?

And once again you win. A trophy. A token of my stupidity.
You...just insert the coin and I am becoming that girl who is familiar with pain and talk the language of sorrow fluently.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Girl With The Scarf

Bought a new scarf for Eid, took a pic and voila...

Tbh i didn't use it properly, no pin, no ciput inside just put it on my head and round it on my head. I love it because this scarf made my skin looks a bit white #darkskincolorgirl'sfirstproblem

Sunday, August 12, 2012

When Love Arrives

I've become a fan of Slam poetry and story teller these days and I found this beautiful poem and amazing performance by Sarah Kay and Phil Kaye on YouTube last night, I can resist to hit repeat button over and over again. It may sound cliche but some of what they said about love in this poem are true. Give it a try to listen to it and I'll know you'll love it too...just like me. Enjoy!!!

I knew what love looks like – in seventh grade. Even though I hadn’t met love yet, if love had wandered to my home room. I would’ve recognized him at first glance. Love wore a hemp necklace. I would’ve recognized her at first glance, love wore a tight French braid. Love played acoustic guitar and knew all my favorite Beatles songs. Love wasn’t afraid to ride the bus with me. And I knew, I just must be searching the wrong classrooms, just must be checking the wrong hallways. She was there, I was sure of it. If only I could find him.

But when love finally showed up, she had a bow cut. He wore the same clothes everyday for a week. Love hated the bus. Love didn’t know anything about the Beatles. Instead, every time I try to kiss love, our teeth got in the way. Love became the reason I lied to my parents. I’m going to – Ben’s house. Love had terrible rhythm on the dance floor, but made sure we never missed a slow song. Love waited by the phone because she knew if her father picked up the phone it would be: “Hello? *Breathe voice* Hello? *breathe voice* I guess they hung up.”

And Love grew, stretched like a trampoline. Love changed. Love disappeared, slowly, like baby teeth, losing parts of me I thought I needed . Love vanished like an amateur magician, and everyone could see the trapdoor but me. Like a flat tire, there were other places I planned on going, but my plans didn’t matter. Love stayed away for years, and when love finally reappeared, I barely recognized him. Love smelt different now, had darker eyes, a broader back. Love came with freckles I didn’t recognize. New birthmark, a softer voice. Now there were new sleeping patterns, new favorite books. Love had songs that reminded him of someone else, songs love didn’t like to listen to, so did I.

But we found a park bench that fit us perfectly, we found jokes that make us laugh. And now, love makes me fresh homemade chocolate chip cookies. But love will probably finish most of them for a midnight snack. Love looks great in lingerie but still likes to wear her retainer. Love is a terrible driver, but a great navigator. Love knows where she’s going. It just might take her two hours longer than she planned. Love is messier now, not as simple. Love uses the words “BOOBS” in front of my parents. Love chews too loud. Love leaves the cap off the toothpaste. Love uses smiley face in her text messages. And turns out, LOVE SHITS!.

But love also cries and love will tell you “you are beautiful” and mean it, over and over again. “You are beautiful” when you first wake up. “You are beautiful” when you’ve just been crying. “you are beautiful” when you don’t want to hear it. “You are beautiful” when you don’t believe it. “You are beautiful” when nobody else will tell you. “You are beautiful” love still thinks “you are beautiful”. But love is not perfect and will sometimes forget, when you need to hear it most, you are beautiful, do not forget this.

Love is not who you were expecting. Love is not who you can predict. Maybe love is in New York city, already asleep, you are in California, Australia, wide awake. Maybe love is always in the wrong time zone. Maybe love is not ready for you. Maybe you are not ready for love. Maybe love just isn’t the marrying type. Maybe the next time you see love is twenty years after the divorce. Love looks older now, but just as beautiful as you remembered. Maybe love is only there for a month.Maybe love is there for every firework, every birthday party, every hospital visit. May be love stays. Maybe love can’t. Maybe love shouldn’t.

Love arrives exactly when love is supposed to, and love leaves exactly when love must. When love arrives, say “Welcome. Make yourself comfortable.” If love leaves, ask her to leave door open behind her. Turn off the music, listen to the quiet. Whisper, “Thank you. For stopping by”

Sarah Kay & Phil Kaye “When Love Arrives”

Sunday, August 5, 2012


Last week I joined an event "Ngabuburit Bersama Komunitas Hijabers Bekasi". Had so much fun with girls from KHB and the kids. May be I'm the one who's not wearing hijab in my daily and I feel so envy with them who looks so pretty wearing their Hijab with style and modesty. Here are some photos that taken from the event:

One thing I learned from that event is why can't we learn a little more about sharing and spend some of our money not in clubs or shopping mall but in an orphanage spreading smiles? Look at the kids, they were little, infinite bundles of joy showed as they received their gift packs.

I felt guilty, guilty for pretty much wasting my life for blowing up money and basking in the light of all things material. I need to find something productive to do like: volunteer with a charity, work at an orphanage - or something else which makes me feel like what I do actually matters.

Sunday, July 15, 2012

He didn't want me and yet he didn't let me go. Instead he had me hanging on a string...

Sunday, July 8, 2012

The (Mini) Reunion

Photos below were taken at a mini reunion (of the Ex-Avery Colleagues)held last week.
So much fun x love, missed them all. =')

Sunday, June 24, 2012

Almost Lover

Perfect song for my GALAU moment, it's an old song tho. Focusing lyrically it's so heart wrenching, about a relationship that never fully blossomed into a romance as the girl wished. About a romance that never formed. This song is a very personal one. Despite a few parts, it’s wholely about how I feel about what one can call a bittersweet relationship. Heartache and pain which are partly due to a refusal to accept, or trying to hold on to the idea of romance that is not there or can not be.

"Almost Lover"

Your fingertips across my skin
The palm trees swaying in the wind

You sang me Spanish lullabies
The sweetest sadness in your eyes
Clever trick

I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
I should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

We walked along a crowded street
You took my hand and danced with me

And when you left you kissed my lips
You told me you'd never ever forget these images, no

I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
I should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine
Did I make it that easy
To walk right in and out of my life?

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
I should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

I wonder, is it not possible to accept that the relationship will not lead to romance, while at the same time remain together as friends?

Saturday, June 16, 2012

When Mozza Meets Mo77a

Once upon a time, there used to be a girl called Mozza. A shy girl which turn HOT in the virtual world ;D

One day, like any other day, she was logging to her Facebook account, adding some random people, hoping to have some fun new friends.The evening passed in it's merry overture and she was ready to logged off and back to another sphere of her life called "real life". But something made her stay a bit longer and add one more person.He's a guy called Mo77a. He accepted her to be his friend. They greeted one another. She smiled, he responded and then they talked.

She talked to him, like she's talk to any other stranger. And the next day, they talked again, this time a little longer. The following day, they spoke on the instant messaging system, for long. Slowly, they spoke everyday, laughed together and started to become friends. They started to discuss their lives. Talk about themselves.

Somehow, somewhere, they didn't know why, they liked spending all those hours on the instant messenger. Soon, the hours on the messenger translated into webcam session and they enjoyed it.They had fun.

Its weird how they're going from being strangers to being friends, then to being more than friends

Its been 4.5 years now.. and she's still piling on to the million little things with this one guy...
Her best friend...
Her sweetheart...
Her support...
Her backbone in every literal sense...

The pint of their relationship has always been over flowing with drama. Silent treatment is the thing she get from him when he's angry. He's even removed her from all his contact several times. But till date, a little sorry and a warm virtual hug kills all the drama and he is willing to be by her side again, holding on to her every time she's not strong enough to keep herself upright..

It is so easy with him. She don't have to look her best when she's with him.She doesn't have to sound sober and decent while talking to him. She can pout her lips a lot whenever she's miffed, and she doesn't mean the Angelina Jolie pout, or even that "ALAY" one. She can cry with pouring eyes and wipes her nose while they're having a webcam session (though she wish she can wipe it on his shirt :D)

He will never do things a normal guy best friend does.He sucks at expressing how much he cares for her but does stupid little things which make her heart melt..

He is not her boyfriend..
He is just HIM..


This one's to our friendship, Mo77a !!

I LOVE YOU MO77A!!! hahaha yeah I know you hate it so much when I say this to you... but you know you mean a lot to me... Mo77A you are like my brother (NO YOU ARE NOT MY brother), my closest friend which says SOOOOO a lot and lol hates it when I ask him to pout... you have made your place in my life as a friend who is there when no one else is, a friend which annoys me and calls me silly but cares for me in a very weird way...

Seriously I love you in a very weird way!

With love

Sunday, June 10, 2012

Day Dreaming

Couple days ago my friend Huseyin sent his vacation pictures, he had vacation after six months serving his country in military service. He went to Alanya and had a great time there (well he told me so:D). Here is my favorite pictures of him, well I edited it a little :)

He's hawt, no? Go grab him girls...He's still single ;)

Talking about vacation.....I want a vacation too. I just want to go to an exotic island, lie on a beach, sipping juice from a coconut. Take pictures of beach, my feet.Buy a new dress.Be the life of the party.Drink wine.Dance.Kiss someone who tastes like margaritas.Feel better. Feel something. Feel OK.

Saturday, May 26, 2012

Me & My New Haircut

Oh and oh. I got a haircut today. A haircut that actually suited me.LAYERS!

Saturday, May 19, 2012

Happy Birthday To Me

Thank you gaiz for all your wishes *hugs* now let me hear Jack Johnson singing birthday song for me :D

Lust Binds Her

She thought it was all long over between them and she was not going to look back. Until that day. She received short message from him "Hey". And it had been a long...long time since seeing his name had made her light up like a firework display. She felt like butter being spread on hot toast. A simply message that could melt her heart instantly.

His presence means the absence of her sanity. She's like a junkie picking up her needle after years of sobriety and there she is going back at stage one. She can't find her feet. All she can feel is the warm gasps of his breath and tickles of lust that suck her in. And precisely that moment, she give in. To the animal inside. And let go of shame and let her be her. For she has become what she has become.

Sunday, March 25, 2012


She is head-over-heels for this guy, he's literally flipped her world upside down and she still don't know how to recover. He's become a part of her daily routine and she can't spend a day not seeing/hearing from him.
This guy...he has the ability to change her live and in a second, he has the ability to ruin it. He has the ability to make her doubt herself.He occupy her head for so long.
And then what? He’s head-over-heels for something else. He totally blind-sides her and tells her, that he needs to see where he is in life first. In other words, he only wanted to play. But she keep justifying this guy and stand up for him. She puts her fucking trust in him. And she totally fuck herself over. And she never stop to think...she just do it.
It's scary, how she becomes somebody she would've failed to recognize a few years ago. And she has become this, in his shadow. Chasing him, in and out of the light.

Saturday, February 18, 2012

When someone so close to you suddenly becomes a stranger you can hardly hold a conversation with, the stench of rejection makes you gag and wish that everything could go back to how it was before.

End of Chapter

Metaphorically, he ended a certain chapter of her life that day. A chapter which has been dragging on for three years.He did not say a word, but his eyes told a story. The quiet he whispered said more than those words. She looked at silence.The sky around her seems to darken in an instant, she drowned in defeat. The pain etched so deep in her heart. Her eyes have dried, yet the tears still fall invisibly. Her face...blanketed by a forced smile.
"This is not love.I just persuaded myself that it was, he was never mine" she told herself. This was the end. All that they had gone through, all that they had said, was gone. She wished at this point that she could be like him, able to forget everything without a second thought, without any pain whatsoever. She looked down. He turned around, stood up straight and walked away and she was just that – broken.

Sunday, February 5, 2012

I Called Him Mr. Genius

I won't Give Up by Jason Mraz.I am listening to this song on repeat since the past 1 hour with literally no breaks. If you follow me on twitter or read my previous post maybe you knew that I've been in my low stage of life and by listening to this song it brings me a little hope. Yes God loves me and I should not give up. It's a beautiful song and I can see you all nod and agree to what I just said, no?

As many of you know I have been a big fan of him for couple years. He is so talented, his music is beautiful and he is one of a brilliant lyricist that I know from my era. He's one of my inspirational artist. I fall in love with his song and voice every time I press play. Not only that when he cover other artists music he even impress and sometimes he made it sound far better than the original. My favorite cover version is Good Old Fashioned Lover Boy, I love this song, I love Queen and Jason Mraz made me love this song even more. I am proud to be his fan :)

Do yourself a favor and go listen to Jason Mraz's new song and I promise you will not be disappointed. Enjoy.

"I Won't Give Up"

Hmmmm ... Hmmmm ... Hmmmm ... Hmmm ...

When I look into your eyes
It's like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
There's so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you've come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find

'Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No, I won't give up

I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use
The tools and gifts we got yeah, we got a lot at stake
And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend
For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not
And who I am

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up
Still looking up.

I won't give up on us (no I'm not giving up)
God knows I'm tough enough (I am tough, I am loved)
We've got a lot to learn (we're alive, we are loved)
God knows we're worth it (and we're worth it)

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

Thursday, January 26, 2012


The pretty doll with amazing white dress, like a princess. They wrapped her in a beautiful transparant box and put it in etalase. Until someone owned her, played with her. She was a puppet to her owner. She was pulled and twisted to play out her owner's dreams until her owner got bored with her.She was no longer loved. And now there she is, sitting on the high bookshelf, covered by dust and cobweb. Like a rag doll they didn't desire. Had no use for. But one thing hadn't change, she kept that pretty smile on her face.

Saturday, January 21, 2012


This is getting boring you know. The two of us, keep fighting over the same thing. I don't like your way of escaping from situation. You are behaving like an alien from planet Bimbo. Our friendship is approaching it’s expiration date, no? Because we grew bitterly apart day by day. Our relationSHIP is going to sink and I can do nothing but ponder. Is it worth sticking through the rough or is it finally time to throw in the towel? Arrrrrgghhh sometimes in life, we realize things much too late. For me it took 3 fuckin years to realize that all you did destroyed me and all my visions.